First, the NFL…
Jacknuts. It’s Richard Weed. Hope you had a great summer. I didn’t. It sucked.
But the summer brings random ass NFL news. And new Fantasy Football seasons.
I’m going to write about BW3 later. I got some NFL crap to go over. Eat it.
It’s very simple. I might make this a running thing. Or not. I don’t know. But, completely ripping off something I saw in a geek magazine, I have 3 lists.
CAN’T WAIT
Top 3 things I’m actually excited about the start of the 2008 NFL season.
1. Arizona - sink or swim
So, a 37-year-old former gorcery store employee is starting at quarterback. A Heisman USC brat can’t beat him out, and he simply smiles through gritting teeth when interviewed. Two ELITE receivers still kind of, well, suck. And the running back still thinks he can play. Is Marcel Shipp still on this team?? That would just be icing on the cake! This could be the best offensive team in the league - or the biggest dumpage on a professional football field, well, since last year’s Cardinals team.
2. Terrell Owens v. Ocho Cinco
Terrell Owens and Ocho Cinco make this league watchable. Thank GOD we have someone legally changing his name to “Ocho Cinco.” I love how the holier-than-thou football fans consider their dancing in the endzone “disrespectful.” Stuff it! These are the same fans that beat the hell out of visiting fans when they come to their stadium/bar/look at their fat girlfriend. Anyone remember how fun the NBA was when Dennis Rodman was wearing wedding dresses and getting crazy-arse rebound numbers? Now all we have is whiny Kobe, whiny Tim Duncan and over-hyped Lebron. BORING! T.O. and Chad are at the top of their game and they are entertaining as ALL HELL! I would take either one on the Bears in an instant. Anyone that complains about their behavior are either hypocrites, lame-os, or defensive backs. I, for one, cannot WAIT to see what trouble they cause this season. Must see TV, fellas.
3. Philly Cheerleaders
Dear god.
Nothing else to say. Google Image search yourself.
OH, GREAT
1. Brett Favre
I’m retiring.
Nah, just kidding.
I love Green Bay.
F*** YOU, Green Bay!
What the hell is this guy doing? I guess Brett doesn’t have to worry about keeping his new job on the Jets with good ol’ Kellen Clemens and Brett Ratliff behind him on the depth chart. Who in the hell is Brett Ratliff?
All I want is Favre to throw some great TD’s, not against the Bears, then retire. And STAY retired. It could be this season or 200 seasons from now. Just make up ya damn mind, Faver!
And he’s not allowed to cry anymore.
And let’s stop talking about it, please?
2. Over-Analyzation
This guy knows how to laugh at his own jokes.
If I could get Terry Bradshaw, Deion Sanders, Tony Sear-a-Goose-a and Joe Buck all together, in a room, and just LOCK it, I would watch all the pre, post, in-game coverage they have the time to air. Maybe Jim Nantz, too. I never liked his name.
The reason? Everyone’s a frickin’ know at all. Yet they’re all talking out of their ass. Just like I do. Or, worse yet, kiss Tom Brady’s ass all season. Just like I don’t. But I don’t pretend I know everything. I just tell you what I think. For these blowhards, I have a tiny request this year: Tell me who’s starting. Interview Pacman Jones. And let’s get on with the game. Christ.
I don’t know this guy, but I love this blog: http://ssreporters.wordpress.com/
3. Games every night?
Sunday games. Cool. Monday night. Ahhh, OK. Saturday games during the playoffs? Um… all right. Sunday night games? Crap, OK. Thursday night games? Huh? If the NFL puts a game on Tuesday afternoon at 1:30, I am throwing my shoe at Goodell!
HATE!!!!!!!!!!
1. Kellen Winslow Jr.
I dislike this man very very much. He’s cocky. Dumb. And is a “Jr.” I hate all Jr.’s. He talks a lot but gets injured. Kind of like every other “high profile” tight end (I’m looking at you, Heap and Shockey). Shut up. Play. Maybe you’ll get off this list. Do I really hate him because he lost a Yahoo free season of mine 3 years ago to a bunch of bratty Nebraskan teens who teased me endlessly with emails that read “Cry for Kellen, Richie, Cry for Kellen”? Maybe.
2. Drew Rosenhaus
This guy likes ruining football. He has a video on Youtube whining about Lito Shepperd (he pronounces it LEE-TO). 9 times out of 10 when a guy holds out of training camp, Drew is usually the agent. He’s kind of a dick.
He was interviewed about Michael Phelps, and he’s displayed his awesome dick-titude. Now, I can respect dickness, but he wants Phelps on the box of Frosted Flakes. Is it bad for kids? Drew thinks kid eat it anyway, so f*** those kids. And f*** you for wanting him to be on Wheaties. Kids may eat the sugar cereal, but seeing him on the box, they’ll want to swim. OK, Drew, whatever let’s you sleep at night.
Maybe it’s not hate I feel, but rather that Drew is doing what I should be doing! Maybe he has an opening at his House of Evil Sports Management…
3. Tom Brady
You go and saved the best for last…
I was glad to discover numerous websites devoted to hating this man. Look, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Tom Brady is GOOD. MAYBE even Top 10. But you’d think this guy is Jesus the way this media wants us to love him. I don’t! I think he’s smug, conceited, and lucky as all hell! He’s on probably THEE best-coached team in NFL history, and just like the rest of his team, Belichick has taken average players and made them appear great. Hell, before Randy Moss, just look at the receivers Brady had - David Givens and David Patten? Are you kidding me? And he better STOP pretending he’s humble. I hope I don’t see his stupid face on one more men’s magazine.
And let’s not even talk about this:
I can’t. Why?
Tune in for a look at BW3 a little later.
I’m Richard Weed and you’re not. Sucks to be you.
-RW
